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From the Heart

I started a Tumblr blog. I decided that I wanted a place to focus on the happy in life. I need a little re-focusing on the good around me, seeing as there seems to be so much negativity lately. I don’t want to drown in sorrow. I don’t want to be Miss Doom & Gloom all the time. I used to be the optimistic one. I need to try and regain that sunshine. What better way than to take a moment each day to reflect on the happiness in my life?

Today I spent the day with my family. Lately it seems that my Sundays are usually spent around my relatives. It’s sad to think that it’s taken losing a family member to realize how important they really are to me. We have always been a very tight-knit group of people, but now more than ever I feel the need to embrace my relatives and get to know them not just as aunts and uncles, but as people. As I mentioned in my most recent Tumblr post, we so easily forget that not everyone is blessed with knowing their family as well as I have gotten to know mine. My mother comes from a family of eight, and I grew up with 16 cousins. We’ve always been a large family… but there is so much history, so many stories… It’s so sad to think that there are people out there who miss out on that.

We spent the afternoon at my grandparents’ house, celebrating their 68th anniversary. 68 years! It’s hard for me to imagine being alive for that long, nevermind being married to the same person. Birthing and raising eight children. Watching them each raise their own children, and now watching them raise their children as well. The life they’ve lived so far… The stories they have… The things they’ve seen… it astounds me. I strive to be like them. I want to be alive for my great-grandchildren. I want to be able to look over at my husband and be able to say “68 years ago, I married you and look at us now.”

Doris and Herb Boughton, you are an inspiration to me.

Leah, my darling friend, had made a status update on her Facebook with a quote that I absolutely adored. Upon researching it and reading the entire poem, I nearly cried. This is possibly my favorite poem ever. And is exactly how I feel.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions
swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of
all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search
the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go
of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of
the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in
her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t
check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t
utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one
thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort .There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go,She let it be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Ernest Holmes

Photography has been my obsession as of late. It has always been therapeutic for me, but it never took such a focus in my life until lately. My hair stylist (photographed above) had contacted me via Facebook a few weeks ago and said she had always admired my self-portraits, and begged me to take some photos of her. I was terrified, but agreed. How in the world am I going to pull this off?? I freaked inwardly. I have never taken a photo of another human being like this in my life. What if they suck? What if she hates me? The anxiety attacks kept coming.

I confided in a co-worker/friend about it, and she said that if I wanted to, I could take some photos of her. She had just started a Facebook page, and needed some portraits of herself. She had also commented that my photography/self-portraits were something she admired, and thought it would be the perfect chance to “warm up” before my appointment with my hair stylist.

Well, after a 2 1/2 hour photo shoot with my co-worker, I was so elated with the results. I couldn’t wait to show her. I showed my mother, and her response was “You seriously need to think about a career change.” I shared the pictures with my hair stylist and told her I was warmed up and ready to go. She told me she wanted to keep my business cards (after I actually got business cards) at her shop, because my portraits were beautiful.

Today was my “photo shoot” with my hair stylist. I cannot tell you how much of an amazing feeling it is to edit a photo, add my name on the proof and feel like it could be something in a magazine ad somewhere. That feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment have me on cloud nine the past few weeks.

I hope this means I’ve found my calling. That I’ve finally found something I’m good at.